“Confucius say:
when fighting truckers, nail the suckers!”
Industry insiders
know Michael and Martin McNamara as the guys who sued Miramax for
copyright infringement over the release of Jackie Chan’s Twin
Dragons. Followers of the
Canadian
martial art scene know them for their ongoing struggle to legalize
kickboxing competition in
Ontario. Before now,
I knew them as the assassins who fight Billy Blanks in Back
in Action, and as of recently, I
also recognize
them as the stars of the first Canadian martial arts film here.
Thanks to that title, Twin Dragon Encounter
will always have something to brag about, but truly, the
movie’s nothing to go on
about. I love indie action flicks, but this poorly-planned,
micro-budgeted
adventure just isn’t worth the effort it takes to track down a VHS
copy.
The
story: Martial arts instructors Michael and Martin (McNamara) take
their girlfriends on a rural getaway, only to be accosted by a
violent group of mercenaries.
The
movie is a pretty hardcore vanity project, with the brothers being
presented as practically
heirs to Chuck Norris’ title of badassery. I’ve seen worse
self-aggrandizement, but it’s rare to see so much mustachioed
machismo stuffed into a 79-minute runtime, my favorite moment of
which being
when the McNamaras put off swimming with their girlfriends to saw
logs while shirtless.
It doesn’t help that everyone else falls over themselves to make
them
look good. The villains compose the biggest collection of boobs I’ve
ever seen, with not a single one able to stand against the brothers’
mighty kicks. Girlfriend Nancy McKenna (Death in Hollywood)
acquires some fighting skills after being
rescued early on, but it’s ultimately meaningless ‘cause the bros
repeatedly save her anyway.
The
movie’s also just poorly written. It ends on a cliffhanger, teasing
its Dragon Hunt sequel,
but does so after wasting a lot of time on throwaway scenes like the
lovers
getting chased into a tree house by a bear. The
plot is needlessly prolonged, to the point that our heroes can avoid
almost all of their
peril by practicing some common sense. Worst of all, the action
scenes leave
a lot to be desired. The film’s got more than its share of onscreen
karate, but I can’t
remember a single time I remarked
how cool a brawl is. The McNamaras – who also produced the movie –
have a bad habit of highlighting regular moves with slow motion, with
the effect that they actually become worse because you can now see
the
imperfections in the choreography.
I
will give the film credit for some unexpectedly decent visuals, no
doubt thanks to director Paul Dunlop’s background in
cinematography. Of course, this isn’t nearly enough to save the
show. Neither cool
enough as a regular action picture
nor exotic enough as a foreign curiosity, I can’t recommend Twin
Dragon Encounter.
Twin Dragon
Encounter
(1986)
Directed
by
Paul Dunlop (cinematographer for Blind
Eye)
Written
by
Gary Hart, Michael McNamara
Starring
Michael & Martin McNamara, B. Bob, Nancy McKenna
Cool
costars:
Kickboxing champ Karl Adhihetty appears as an enforcer.
Content
warning:
Violence against women, sexist dialogue, kidnapping, sexual assault
Copyright
Manesco Films / Vidmark Entertainment
B-Movie Dragons 